This past summer, I embarked on a journey to my homeland for the first time since 2017. Each visit to Vietnam had always been filled with feelings of love and joy. However, this trip carried a different atmosphere—a sense of uneasiness and tension prevailed as the country grappled with the aftermath of the pandemic, leaving uncertainty about who was still there.
Despite having just completed my Master's degree, I hesitated to undertake this trip. The pressure to secure immediate employment competed with a profound sense of duty fueled by the awareness of time slipping away. My years in grad school, spent away from home, provided me with solitude and the opportunity to reflect and mature. It was during this period that I began to humanize my parents and grandparents, recognizing the irreversible passage of time. As I aged, so did they, and the realization that time is a precious commodity became even more apparent. The decision to visit my overseas family became not just an option but a necessity.
To add a touch of excitement to the journey, I prepared by investing in a new Patagonia Blackhole roller, succumbing to the hype surrounding it. Packed with enthusiasm, I brought along my photography gear—a Canon R8 with a 50mm 1.2L lens, a Canon AE1P, a Hasselblad 501cm, and various rolls of film, including Portra 800, 400, 160, Cinestill 400D, Ektar 100, and TMax 400, and a DJI Mini 3 Pro that seen 0 minutes of flight time, oops.
This marked my inaugural journey to Vietnam where I enjoyed a newfound sense of freedom to explore at my own pace, guided by the wisdom of my local family. Despite feeling like a tourist, there was an undeniable feeling of returning home, a sentiment cultivated through numerous extended stays in the past. The experience was simultaneously different and familiar. This time, armed with the trained eye of a photographer, I observed nuances that had previously escaped my notice during earlier visits. It brought to life a truth I often share with my students – that after undergoing my course, they'll begin to perceive and appreciate details they had overlooked before, thanks to the development of their photographer's eye. Witnessing this phenomenon unfold within myself in real time was truly remarkable.
I discerned distinctions between tourists and locals, noted the varying degrees of kindness exhibited by the Vietnamese people, and even observed the inevitable passage of time, as my own people aged before my eyes.
In the image above, you'll find a snapshot of my uncle, a figure who has played the role of a second father throughout my life, considering me as his firstborn. He has been a steadfast advocate for broadening my horizons, assuming the role of a dedicated tour guide during my travels in Vietnam. Previously, I viewed him as a kind of Superman, seemingly invincible. However, on this particular trip, I began to notice subtle changes, echoing those I had observed with my own father. The emergence of wrinkles on his face, the encroachment of greying hair, and the subtle retreat of his hairline (I pray my hair does not disappear) - all reflections of the inexorable passage of time. It struck me that, as I navigated the journey of growing older, the significant adults in my life were also undergoing a parallel transformation. The realization of this shared aging process added a poignant layer to my travel experience, deepening my connection to the passage of time and the relationships that have shaped my life.
This poignant realization became even more pronounced when observing the elders in my life, witnessing my ailing great uncles tenderly embracing one another. Coupled with the recent passing of my grandparents, a collective acknowledgment resonated among them - an acknowledgment that their time was drawing near. Although fear lingered, a deep understanding of the natural order of life prevailed. In a touching exchange, one reassured the other, affirming, "This is how it is supposed to be; we're just taking up room. We have to make room for our kids and grandkids." As their voices trembled, and tears welled up in their eyes, I reached out and clasped both of their hands in mine, expressing my enduring love and the longing I felt in their absence.
Known for my stoic and tough exterior, yet characterized by a profound sense of love, I unexpectedly found myself getting emotional. In that vulnerable moment and in true Vietnamese fashion, they affectionately teased me, a lighthearted acknowledgment of the emotional depth that connected us all in that moment and for all of eternity.
As we bid our goodbyes, uncertainty lingered in the air, unsure if it marked our final farewell. Yet, we found solace in the knowledge that this meeting was a precious gift, enough to mend our hearts and nurture the bonds of love. Taking my time with farewells, I clasped their hands, shared heartfelt hugs and kisses, hesitating to let go as tears welled up in my eyes. The inevitable moment arrived when I had to part ways, each of us going down our separate paths. Yet, amidst the parting, there was a comforting understanding that family and love endure, transcending any physical distance.
As the day gradually came to a close, I realized that while this particular chapter of my journey was concluding, my overall trip had just commenced. The vast expanse of experiences awaited, acknowledging that there might not be time to witness everything. However, I embraced gratitude for the moments we did share, recognizing that in the tapestry of family and love, there will always be a prevailing connection, irrespective of the miles that may lie between us.